Gone
by tierner2
Summary: The Barn had come and gone, taking the troubles with it. She had made her choice, but fate had other plans.
1. Gone

**Author's Note: **This is set right after the third season finale. Just a weird idea that came to me so I went with it. This chapter was suppose to be short. Then I actually wrote it and kicked myself for not having the ability to write a short chapter! Thanks to my awesome Beta Reader, my mom. Enjoy the pain!**  
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**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haven or any of the characters. If I did, I wouldn't be living on a teacher's salary.

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"Baby, I'm not moving on

I love you long after you're gone

For you, for you.

You would never sleep alone

I love you long after you're gone."

_-Gone, Gone, Gone - Phillip Phillips_

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The sudden silence reached her ears with comfort. Silence meant it was over. The pain, the suffering, the troubles, were gone. Fading away like the sounds of the meteors that had reminded her of her own fate.

But her fate was different this time. She was alive. She was safe. And so was he. His strong arms engulfed her, wrapping her in his warmth and love. They had done it. Together they had beaten fate and now all she could focus on was the warmth of her tears falling upon her face, the smell of him filling her nostrils, the consistent beating of his heart against her chest, and the softness of his voice as he whispered her name in relief.

His arms left her waist slowly as his hands reached her face, softly brushing away her tears. With a sigh of relief, he tenderly placed his lips against her forehead. "I thought I lost you." He whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

She took a small step back, looking at his face, his emotions clearly written upon it. It seemed like the world had stopped, freezing this moment so they could live in this happiness forever.

But the moment was short lived as two shots rang out, shattering the moment and echoing through the trees as Nathan's smile faded and the color drained from his face.

"_No!_ Nathan!" she screamed as the blood pooled on his chest and his weakening legs gave way, making him crumble to the hard Earth.

She had always been able to deal with situations like this. It seemed second nature to compartmentalize the situation. She knew how to take control, being the calm in the chaos. But now? Now she was lost. She knew she should she be applying pressure to the wound, give him time. But instead she had one hand wrapped around his, gripping tight like a vice while the other gently drew a pattern across his face, attempting to calm her own turbulent mind.

Audrey's tears fell upon Nathan's pained face as he struggle with each breath, each becoming more shallow and ragged than the last. "Hey, it's gonna be okay." She reassured him with a quivering voice. "I'm gonna fix this, just like I always do. Just stay with me for a little longer. Please, Nathan." She begged, her voice cracking with emotion as his name passed her lips.

"Audrey." He started, his voice rough and worn with effort. But before he could finish, his body convulsed as racking coughs overcame him. Blood began to dot his face as each cough took more of his time with it.

"Don't you dare give up on me, Nathan!" she screamed over his slowing coughs as his eyelids gave way to the heaviness pressing upon them. "Not now Nathan. Not like this, please." She brushed her own tears lightly away from his face, feeling the coolness of his skin. "Look at me. Look at me!" she demanded as she placed her hands on the sides of his face hoping her firm touch would give him the energy to hold on. Her breath caught in her chest as his eyes opened wearily, fixing her with a gaze full of things unspoken. "It's gonna be okay, Nathan, I promise. Hey," she said as she tenderly stroked his cheek, "This is not goodbye, I promise."

She waited for the small tick of a smile to reach his lips, the feel of him leaning into her touch, his hand to dry the tears that were falling faster from her eyes, but nothing happened. His eyes were unmoving, starring into the distance, empty.

He was gone.

Her eyes swam with tears as she paced a feather light kiss upon his forehead. She had meant her promise; she was going to bring him back. After everything they had been through, death was no longer an obstacle, they had overcome it before.

Still, the guilt was suffocating her. He died because of her. "This wasn't supposed to happen." She called to the sky. "This wasn't my choice."

"It never was." A deep voice resonated behind her, causing Audrey to whip around, her hands never leaving Nathan's rapidly cooling body. "Hello, Audrey."

Audrey looked up at the figure standing over her, "Howard?"

Howard stood tall, his pressed suit and tie creating a stark contrast against Audrey's crumbled frame huddled protectively over Nathan's stiff body. His features were fixed in a state of pure indifference to the scene before him, causing anger to rise like bile within her.

"Nathan Wuornos was always meant to die." He said matter-of-factly, Audrey's tear stained face making no difference as he continued his harsh words, each lashing at her heart like a whip. "The Troubles are ending now. You should be happy Audrey. You can finally have a normal life, just like you always wanted."

"I never wanted _this!_" she screamed, hoping the power of her words would throw off the weight of the guilt that slammed down upon her. "I made my choice, I went into the Barn. He was supposed to be safe."

"That was never your choice to make." He said, a sliver of anger cracking through his calm façade. "The Troubles are gone. Nathan is gone. And there is nothing you can do to change it."

Audrey quickly wiped at the tears clouding her vision, now falling not just out of pain, but anger. They had wasted too much time already. She was going to bring Nathan back, no matter what the cost, damn the consequences. And Howard was going to help her, whether he wanted to or not.

But when she looked back, the only sight that greeted her was an empty field. Howard had disappeared, taking Audrey's best chance of saving Nathan with him.

She turned back to Nathan, only to discover he was gone. No blood marking where he fell, no indent on the grass where he took his last breath, no evidence that the scene that had ruined her life had even occurred. Panic engulfed her in an instant and her breathing becoming shallow and hurried. Her hands rose to her hair, fingers raking across her scalp as she rocked in the grass, trying to regain any semblance of calm. Something caught her eye as her hands lowered to her knees. Her arms, normally a pale pink, were stained blood red. _Nathan's blood on her hands_.

"Nathan. Nathan!" she called, her voice sounding distant and weak as it echoed through the empty island. She had failed him. He was gone and this time there was no redemption, no second chances. She was alone.

"_NATHAN!_" her screams pierced the silence that filled her apartment. The cold sweat ran down her body, a stark contrast from the heat of her racing heart.

_It was just a dream. It was just a dream. _She repeated the words in her head like a mantra, trying to recover a steady breath.

_It was just a dream. _

But her breath was still hurried, tears were still pouring down her cheeks like a dam that had burst, allowing them to flow freely for the first time in weeks.

It had all been so real. She could still smell the sweet grass. Still feel the cool breeze blowing loose tendrils of her hair across her face. Still feel Nathan's cold skin on her hands.

_Nathan._

She had fought so hard to save him, but she had lost. That pain ripping at her heart, the sheer ache of loss was more real to her than anything she had ever experienced. The steady stream of silent tears now turned into choking sobs, as her worry bubbled to the surface.

She tried to calm herself, repeating her tired mantra in her head to no avail. She needed to see his calm face, feel his rough and calloused hands bringing her into his tight embrace. She needed _him_.

Instantly she received an answer to her unspoken plea as she felt herself being pulled into a comforting embrace. Strong. Warm. _Wrong_.

"It's okay, Audrey. I'm here. It's okay." Duke's soft voice reassured her, devoid of the usual sarcasm that inhabited it.

Reality came crashing down on her, hitting her with the force of a freight train, knocking her breath out with the weight of it, stopping her frantic sobs.

_It wasn't a dream._

Nathan was dead.

Her nightmare did not end when she woke; it was her reality, haunting her for the rest of her life.

Her body went rigid as she pulled on the cold mask of indifference, carefully crafted after weeks of use. "I'm fine, Duke." She said weakly, pulling herself away from his grasp and sliding off her bed. "I'm fine." She repeated with fervor, feeling his doubtful stare on her retreating figure. She crossed to the kitchen wiping at the tears staining her face.

_Never let them see how broken you are. _

She had promised herself that. And she wasn't going to break it now.

"Audrey, I didn't invite myself over here just to be lied to," Duke started, quickly closing the distance she had carefully placed between them. "I'm tired of that same lie. You are not fine," his voice softening with each word. "Audrey, it's been a month."

One month. One month since she saw light in those calming blue eyes. One month since she had seen them filled with pain, longing, _love._ Her resolve threatened to break as the image of his face full of relief and happiness from being with her invaded her thoughts. She wanted to break down, wanted to cry out showing everyone the agony they caused when they took him away. Show what he meant to her, what he will always mean to her.

But she had to stay strong. _Strong for him_. He fought for this town, kept it together when others would have folded. She couldn't let him down. "I'm fine, Duke. Really." She lied convincingly; pushing away the pain and anger that wanted to invade her words. She softly pushed past him, moving from the closeness they shared in her small kitchen for the comforting distance of her couch. She quickly settled into the couch, drawing her legs up close to her chest as she surveyed her apartment, a thin layer of dust covering her belongings from disuse.

How long had it been since she's been there? Days? Weeks? It was all a blur of repetitious days and nights spent crying in a bed that was more comforting and familiar then her own. Her apartment no longer felt like home.

Home was where she could remember him, fall asleep with his scent surrounding her, dreaming of the moments they'd shared, his face lighting up with every touch she gave him, his soft smile sending the butterflies in her stomach into a frenzy. She would never forget him. Not like the rest of this godforsaken town. She would always remember.

"Audrey! You are not fine!" Duke thundered, snapping her out of her reverie in time to see an exasperated sigh leave his body. He closed the distance between them in an instant, suffocating her with his presence. "I know what you're going through. Just, talk to me."

"_You know what I'm going through?"_ she questioned, venom leaking into her voice with every word. "You have no idea what I'm going through." The anger in her voice surprised her, but she didn't stop. "Nathan died. He died in my arms and I couldn't save him. I have saved countless amounts of people in this town and I couldn't even save the one person that mattered. And do you know why he died? Me. I fell in love with him the moment I met him, just like I did when I was Sarah. I let that monosyllabic idiot worm his was into my heart and now he's dead. All because of me. So don't you _dare_ tell me you know what I'm going through. _You. Don't. Know_." She finished breathlessly, tears shed from anger burning her eyes. She knew she should apologize, say _sorry_ for the bitterness that she unleashed in her words. But she didn't even attempt it. She was just too tired. Tired of those words meant to comfort her that only showed her that she was alone. Tired of the pain and guilt that suffocated her with each breath she took without him. _Tired_.

"Audrey, I was there." Duke said softly, the pain her words had caused removed from his voice. "At least talk to me."

The memory of that day came flooding back to her instantly. Time spent talking with James. Times spent trying to find anyway to return. Time spent with just four walls and a memory that hurt more than saying goodbye. "You weren't there for everything."

**_TBC…_**

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**_Author's Note 2: _**So I have a real problem with putting my favorite characters in danger or just plain killing them. I need an intervention. Next chapters will explain a little about what happened before this chapter.** _  
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	2. I Will Wait

**AN**: It's alive! So sorry that it has taken me so long to update. I got so busy with work and school and then I completely lost my muse. Finally found it! Just for the wrong show. Anyway I apologize. Here is chapter two. It's short but I felt that is was needed. Also thank you so much for the reveiws. They make my day sparkly!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haven. If I did I wouldn't be forced into a field trip with four second graders. Just in case you were thinking it might be fun, it's not. Not at all. It's horrifying

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_So break my step_

_And relent_

_Well, you forgave and I won't forget_

_Know what we've seen_

_And him with less_

_Now in some way shake the excess_

_'Cause I will wait, I will wait for you._

_-I Will Wait, Mumford and Sons_

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_One Month Previously..._

The stark white interior burned her eyes. Cold, clean, _empty_. She waited for the inevitable pounding on the door, Nathan's voice filled with anger, pain, betrayal screaming her name. But nothing happened. All she heard was silence.

"_27 years Nathan. And we get to do it all over again."_

27 years and she would come back, a new name, new memories and no recollection of Nathan Wuornos.

She didn't worry about _her_ future. It was always the same. _She_ was always the same. There was a part of her that always came back, a part that never died like her name. The part he had fallen in love with.

_Nathan._

Her future was a mystery. A mystery she didn't care to solve now. But the thought of his future tore at her heart, the pain she had kept hidden now pouring out.

27 years.

She ran every possibility of his future through her head, each seemingly more heartbreaking than the last.

Happiness is all she ever wanted for him, but she was terrified of what that meant. She could envision him 27 years later with everything he ever wanted. A family, two smiling children that adore him, a beautiful wife that loved him. The only problem with this story was that she wasn't in it. She was gone and he would move on. This future broke her heart, but at least in that scenario Nathan was happy.

The thought of another scenario that could be played out sprang to her mind. Nathan, alone, never having moved on from loving her. Waiting for her to return so he could save her, love her, help her escape the torment she was experiencing now. She hated the idea that she could be the one holding him back, but what she hated more was the hope that was blooming in her chest. She wanted him to be happy, so why was she glad that he would be in pain?

The answer was clear to her. Because even though he would be in pain for 27 years, he would be hers, and only hers, forever and always.

Even though she hated herself for thinking this way, the thought of his presence years later calmed her. He was her lighthouse, guiding her home to him even through the roughest of storms.

One last scenario flashed through her mind. It was the one she tried to push away with all her might. The one that caused her pain to become uncontrollable. It played through her mind like a movie, the reel on a constant loop in her thoughts.

She was back in Haven, 27 years later, her golden hair gone, replaced with soft auburn waves spilling down her back. She was wandering through the cemetery, reflecting on all the lives lost by the curse upon the town. She reached one gravestone and froze. She felt a growing pain in her chest as if her heart had been ripped from her body and she was left, a shell of the person she once was. The words on the stone blurred as tears poured from her eyes.

_Nathan Wuornos. Born March 20, 1976. Died September 24, 2012._

No other words marred the smooth stone, just his name and the dates. Almost as if he was meant to be forgotten.

A soft noise shook her from her nightmare. She looked at her surroundings to find herself upon the cold floor, her back against the wall. All the strength had been taken from her legs, instead channeled to the tears falling like rain from her eyes.

A warm reassuring hand found its way to her shoulder, as the figure responsible for the noise lowered himself next to her and brought her into his soft embrace.

"I always blamed him somehow," he began as he drew comforting circles on her back. "I thought he was the reason you left me. That maybe he refused to love you enough to have a family with you." Tears glistened in his eyes and his voice caught as he continued, "Never would have guessed how wrong I was. I've never seen someone who loves more."

Audrey drew in a calming breath before looking up at her son. _Their son._ James's dark hair was just like Nathan's. They even styled it the same. He was the perfect combination of both of them. His blue eyes looked into the distance as if he were searching the walls for the words he needed to speak.

His voice was soft, barely heard, even in the silence of the Barn. "What was he like?"

She struggled to find the words that described the man she loved. _Strong, determined, kind, caring, loving, stubborn_. All of these were true, but he was so much more. He was her rock, her strength through the hardest and most confusing times. She wished she could show him every moment she fell further and further in love with him.

Suddenly, the thought struck her. She was stuck in this prison for 27 years. The only thing keeping her company was her memories. Memories of him. Howard had done it, why couldn't she? She could show every moment she needed.

She raised her head, lifting herself slowly and tentatively from her spot. She extended her hand, helping James to stand next to her, fingers intertwined. "Let me show you."

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**AN:** Please review if you liked or if you have any constructive criticism. I would be happy to send some glitter your way. I'm a teacher, I've got plenty.


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